Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Hello old friends

Yes it's been a while.  It's ironic how things that are vital in our lives get pushed aside when things that "seem important" but really are not crowd them out.  I have allowed that to happen recently and even though I knew it was going on I felt helpless to stop it.  I normally get up very early and spend some quiet time with God, praying, reading, journaling, and hopefully just listening, and then I write, most of the time it's a blog entry about what's going on in our lives at that moment.  But I got tired and I allowed a warm bed to keep me away.   I didn't want to get up.  I was still waking up but instead of getting up I'd say to myself, "just five more minutes", doze back off and then an hour had passed and it was time to get ready for work.  Not just one morning, but two, then three, and soon many days had passed. 

The impact of this?  So much more then I realized. 

I haven't gotten my time with God like I need it.  My days have been a shadow of what they were. My nights not restful and satan is prowling around seeking to steal, kill and destroy and I'm not equipped to fight like I should be.  I know what I need to do.  I know that God has given me the armor and the tools to fight the good fight.  I had a choice to make every morning.  God didn't dump me out of bed (nod to boot camp days) and scream and yell for me to get up.  He woke me up and invited me to spend time with Him but gave me the choice.  He will not go where He is not welcome and He will not make Himself the priority. 

I have to make Him the priority. 

When the blog has been dark it's because I'm not willing to do what I know I should.   Does that mean that I need to shut the blog down, delete all my writings and consider myself a failure?  Satan would like me to think so.  He would like me to quit.  He would like nothing more then for me to stop, to admit defeat and walk away from what God is working in my heart.  But I know more now then I knew before.  I understand a little more about my Father and what He would have for me, and so I can say those two little words that brings joy to my heart...

...But God...

Every morning during this God has woken me up like clockwork.  He showed up every day.  I was the one who didn't sit down with Him.  My southern upbringing cringes at the thought of Him knocking and me going to the door and shutting it in His face but that's what I did. God knows what I need and He has been waiting patiently for me to realize it as well. 

So the lights are slowly coming back on in my heart and in my creative flow and will show up eventually, when it's time, here.  Today it did, tomorrow it might.  But I realized something. I need to write, not just because I want to but because God has placed a passion in my heart. 

The past few weeks have been a huge learning process and I pray it will add more to my writing because I know it has added more to my faith and my understanding.  That's what walking with God through this life is all about.  To learn and to grow closer to Him, to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, and even fail but as long as you GET BACK UP then God still wants to use you.  So I'm up, I'm out of bed and the dark is lifting.  Thank you God for loving me even in the dark. 


Karen Dawkins said...

Perhaps the best thing you have ever written. :-)
Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

I knew God would win,(it's in the Book). I am so glad to see you back. Just keep your heart and mind open to his leading, he has blessed you with such a gift. It would be such a loss for you not to use it.

Kim said...

This is one of the best blogs yet! God has truly given you a gift of writing and teaching. I can learn alot from you and your blog. Thanks for being real!

Tisadoll said...

Thank you so very much for posting this. I needed to hear it, because for me a "few days" of enjoying those "five more minutes" has turned into a habit that I'm now having trouble breaking. Knowing others fight that too makes me feel less like a failure. Thank you.