What I got for Christmas.

Every day we start out with 24 hours. From 12:00 a.m. until 11:59 p.m. we have 24 hours in which to accomplish all that is on our to-do list. Over the holidays my 24 hours seemed about 4 hours shorter then normal and my to-do list seemed about 2 pages longer. Due to construction and destruction at our house, working and shopping and baking and cleaning (okay, not so much the cleaning but at least I stayed on top of the laundry) we were all feeling the frantic rush of the holiday festivities.

Until Wednesday night.

I blogged a little bit here about the gift my father had given me Wednesday but that wasn’t the only gift I got. I got the gift of time with my family. Normally we are all so rushed and getting together is a hassle to plan. Sometimes, because it’s so quick with everyone coming and going, that you wonder why you even bothered. But this year was different. This year we sat and talked. We looked at the photos my father and brother had put together in a video for us and laughed and remembered. We laughed in the kitchen about chocolate covered mice (is that blood?  no, it's a bow!) until we cried and our stomachs hurt. Not one single gift was given that you could hold in your hand, but God gave each of us a gift that night in memories and connections made stronger.

Thursday dawned busy with last minute shopping and getting ready for Christmas Eve services at church and once again the anxiety of having everything just right started to overwhelm. My dad and my brother and I always go Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and I was in too much of a rush (due to poor planning on my part) to be able to enjoy this tradition that goes back as long as I can remember. I felt like I had let my dad and my brother down by not being able to slow down and spend the time with them but DD and I got the shopping I had put off to the last minute done and headed home to get ready for church.

We made it to service and were able to slow down enough to hear what Pastor Matt was talking about, a gift, The Gift of our Lord and Savior and I felt the calm and peace settle in me. The message was inspired and the worship music was amazing and my cup once again was filled to overflowing. We left service and went to my brothers where more food was eaten and more laughter shared.

Christmas morning we woke up and had presents to open. There was laughter, tears and the gamut of emotions and lots of pictures taken. But then I had to go to work and I will admit while I was grateful that I have a job it was hard to be “stuck in the office” while my family enjoyed time together. Again, Satan was trying to steal my joy. So I tried to pray for the doctors and nurses and the patient’s that were working with me as well, for the other editors that were on call and for friends that I knew were working. The hours went by a bit faster when I started thinking about others, not about myself.

After work we were out the door to mom and dads where gifts were exchanged and more memories were made. Money has been tight for everyone this year, including us, so we didn’t buy a lot of gifts but it was just right. We didn’t spend 3-4 hours opening presents but we got to spend time talking and resting and relaxing together. I thought it was hilarious that after all the gifts were opened the kids had more fun with the bubble wrap. We stayed late at my parents and came home to get ready to go see WH family the next day.

WH’s family lives a couple of hours away. It is hard to have a relationship with someone when you don’t get to spend time together. As a daughter-in-law you can get your feelings hurt or inadvertently hurt someone else’s feelings because you haven’t had a chance to get to know them. I prayed I wouldn’t say something stupid or embarrass WH or DD and that we would all be able to enjoy the day. The day was a gift.

The kids did great, everyone got along, there was laughter and goofiness and my sister-in-law gave me some elephant sauce (so I could eat my elephant one bite at a time), and games were played, babies loved on, and more pictures taken and connections were made stronger. I felt more like a daughter and a friend, not just WH’s wife or DD’s mom, or a wicked stepmother. I felt accepted and loved and that I belonged and that was a wonderful gift.

We spent the entire day and I never once looked at my watch. We got home late Saturday, tired but refilled in our hearts. DD said on the way home that while she hadn’t got a lot of presents that was okay, because she had been able to spend time with her family and that was a great feeling. Yeah, she's pretty smart and I'm glad she realized what a gift she had been given.

I am back at work this week and New Year will be spent with more family out of town. I’m looking forward to that gift as well because now I know what the secret is, slow down, breath, and laugh together. It’s a priceless gift you can share with everyone and the cool thing is, when you give it away you get it back.

Lonely

Have you ever had a time when you thought you were going to go in one direction but you wound up going somewhere completely different? Sometimes due to your own decisions and sometimes due to circumstances totally beyond your control? Really, you have? Cool, I’m not all by myself. Sometimes I sure do feel that way though.

I’m not writing about Ephesians today. We will come back to the armor of God because I truly think it is important, but I don’t have all of it together and God is just placing so much more on my heart that I need to talk to you about.

I want to talk to you about being lonely. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I think Satan loves to see God’s children lonely because then they can become vulnerable and weak. From the beginning of time God knew that it was not good for man to be alone, so He created Eve. Now God was with Adam in the garden, talking with Adam, hanging out, but He knew, in all His infinite wisdom, that man needed someone on his level, a helper. (Genesis 2:18)

Time passed, families were created, the parents looked after the children, the children grew up, they lived together or next door to each other, the older ones took care of the younger ones, the elderly were honored and respected and provided for. They worked together, they ate together, they lived together, and they prayed together.

Growing up my brother and I would see at least one set of our grandparents, and more then likely we would see both. Weekends were spent seeing family, connecting, helping each other, and just being there. I spent Sunday afternoons playing with my cousins in the yard, being a Charlie’s Angel, or getting scared of Big Foot footprints (AUNT ROSAAAAAA!!!!!), or just lying on our backs under the big trees in Grandma’s front yard or playing with the buttons in her button box. 

Every Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter it was expected that you would get together. It was important, it was a priority. Yes, the holidays were hectic and yes it was exhausting but there were memories being made and laughter being shared, and stories being passed down from generation to generation and roots were growing deeper and intertwining, making lives stronger, richer, and more.

Now my grandmothers are both gone and our families are all distant. Even my relatives that are close by I only see occasionally. My daughter is growing up in a different environment. Her father is hours away and only gets to see her sporadically. She sees his side of the family maybe once a year. And my side of the family over time things have been said, feelings have been hurt, and lives have gotten busy, too busy and every holiday season seems to become more of a hassle, everyone in more of a hurry to come and go, and I can’t help but be sad because I miss it.  I miss my grandmothers, I miss my aunts and uncles and cousins, and I miss the connections that we had.

It’s not good for man to be alone and I believe that even though you might not get along with everyone in your family, God put you in that family for a reason, because they need you and you need them. 

So, Uncle Larry, Aunt Sylvia, Uncle Rodney, Aunt Caroline, Uncle Andy and Aunt Pat, and Granddaddy Ben, Uncle Ray and Aunt Rosa, Uncle Corbett and Aunt Debbie, and to all of my cousins, their spouses and children, know that you are loved, you are thought of and the memories that you have given me I treasure in my heart. And know that you are missed very, very much. 

To Grandmamma Williams and Grandmamma Johnson, I miss you both so much. What I wouldn’t give for a sermon and a song.

Granddaddy Williams, I miss the blueberries and walking to Jack Rabbits. I cannot eat a blueberry and not think of you. I eat blueberries almost every day.

I love you.

Leigh