Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's Not About Me.

This morning I got up anxious to spend some time with God.   I was excited about what my time was going to reveal to me this morning but not for the reasons that I am proud of.  I realized that I was getting more excited about writing my blog and having people be impressed by me then giving my time to God, being honest with Him (which is silly, He already knows my heart, might as well be real, you get to spend more quality time with Him if you aren’t dancing around your intentions.)

After attempting to do a Proverb a day, which was amazing and I learned so much, but was frustrating because I couldn’t “keep up” with what I was supposed to do. (Good grief, how silly are we??)  Does it make sense to rush through and miss a gift from God because I need to stay on schedule then spend two days, two weeks, or two months on a verse that keeps feeding my soul, just cause I think I have to “keep up”…Keep up with WHO???  This is MY journey with God, my walk with the Father.  Yes I have friends around me, I have fellow Christians on their own journey but their walk will not look like mine, their experiences won’t be like mine, and God might speak something completely different into their lives then He does into mine.  So why on earth am I looking around me when I just need to be looking at Him? 

So...after all of this stewing in my head yesterday and today, I got up this morning, got my coffee and started with prayer. I could not get beyond the prayer.  How do I do it, what do I say, is there a right way, a wrong way?  I started three different times and all three times felt wrong.  So I just asked, “God help me.”  And then I went to the Word and to Matthew 6: 9-13.  The Lord’s Prayer and I took each line and really read it.

Our Father in heaven
Hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

 then I changed the “ours” to “my” and the “us” to “me” and I made The Lord’s Prayer mine this morning. 

My Father in heaven
Hallowed be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.

Give me today my daily bread
Forgive me my debts,
As I also have forgiven my debtors. 
And lead me not into temptation,
but deliver me from the evil one.

To claim something, to make it yours.  I cannot get into heaven or have a relationship on my parent’s faith, just like my daughter cannot get into heaven or know her heavenly Father because of my faith, she has to develop that relationship.  A relationship comes from knowing how to communicate.  Jesus equipped each of us with how we should pray and even how to check our hearts and check our intentions in the relationship we have with God.

I came to terms this morning with the fact that I need to constantly check my heart.  My desire is to be real and honest with my readers about my life, but more then that I want to be real and honest with God about it.  So I asked myself some hard questions this morning.

“Am I writing for God or am I writing for the attention, it just happens to be about God.” 

 I am human (surprise, surprise).  Attention is great.  We all desire attention but I know that my purpose is more than for attention.  I ache for those who are like me and lost and hurting.  I just want to stand here with a big sign with an arrow on it pointing to heaven but I know it works better if truth and honesty come out, so yes, I am writing FOR God and not just about Him.  I know this because I am very intentional that no matter what the story is, no matter the experience, I don’t want the focus to be on what I did, right or wrong, or what happened to me, good or bad, but by pointing out where God was, what God did, and how only with God was I ever able to do the next thing.  But it is good to check my motives and to have people in my life that will help me stay accountable.

“Does God come first or do I?

 Sometimes it’s harder to put God first, hard to let Him lead, but I know if I just hold on and don’t let go, God’s kingdom will come and His Will will be done.  I see over and over again that putting God first clears the path. 

Think about being a child in a crowded store.  You are about six years old; too old to be carried but you still have to hold hands.  There isn’t enough room to walk side by side. There are too many people and you cannot see over their heads.  What do you do?  You take your father’s hand and you walk behind him.  He clears the path, he knows where he is going, and you just hold on. It works the same way with God, but we must stop letting go and trying to do it ourselves, because then we just get lost in the crowd.

“Are speaking and writing my calling God?” 

Yes, yes, yes.  A calling is something that you are passionate about and would do all day, every day without getting paid.  Would I write if no one read it, Yes!   Would I speak if no one listened? Yes!  Would I blog if no one stopped by?  Yes!  Because I’m not doing it for me, I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for Him and obeying what He has placed in my heart.  What He chooses to do with it is 100% up to Him.  

Check your motives, that means, “Would you still do _______ (whatever God has placed on your heart) if no one would ever know you did it?

Hard questions that take some time to process but answer them honestly, don’t dance around them with God, He already knows. 

I closed out my time this morning with God thanking Him for showing up.  I felt in my heart He said, “I am always here.” 

I said “God I just want to make you famous.” And I don’t mean to sound silly, but I felt I heard Him laugh, and say, “Sweetheart, I’m already famous, but you can help make me real.”  I battled with that, how do you make God real?  You do it the same way it was done for me, by honesty, by truth, and by pointing others to Him for every single thing and helping each person find their way to His hand.  I can do it by speaking about how my life has changed because of God and it all starts with a simple prayer, “My Father, who is in Heaven…”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

AWESOME!! Yes, I would continue to do what I beleive God put me here to do if no one ever saw me or knew what I was trying to do. I believe that I am exactly where God wants me to be and doing exactly what he wants me to do at this time in my life. My passion is helping people and even though I have trouble not talking when I am supposed to be listening, I believe that God wants me to be there for his people who do not know him. Keep writing darling because I believe that is one of your callings. I Love You! Mama C